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A new study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology looked at perceived gratitude in family relationships.

“This study examined the unique effects of perceived gratitude from spouses/romantic partners,” study author Allen W. Barton told us, “as well as from children for outcomes in areas of couple, parenting, and individual well-being.”

Barton is an assistant professor and extension specialist at the University of Illinois.

“We expected perceived gratitude from spouses/romantic partners would be associated with higher levels of couple relationship satisfaction,” Barton told us, “and lower levels of individual psychological distress but not associated with parenting outcomes.”

The research team also expected perceived gratitude from children would be associated with lower levels of parenting stress and lower levels of individual psychological distress but not associated with couples outcomes.

Barton told us that he became interested in the study as there has been a lot of interest in gratitude in research and general culture, but mostly about the importance of being grateful. 

“I’ve done multiple studies that highlighted in marriage and romantic relationships the importance of feeling appreciated, i.e., perceiving gratitude from one’s partner,” Barton told us. “This study was to explore feeling appreciated in the broader family context, between spouses as well as parents and children.”

The research team tested their hypothesis with a nationwide survey of 593 adults. The results were consistent with their hypotheses which found that perceived gratitude from romantic partners was associated with couple relationship satisfaction but not with parenting stress and also that perceived gratitude from children was associated with parenting stress but not with couple relationship satisfaction. 

Barton says he wasn’t really surprised with the results.

“This is what I was expecting, but this is the first study to actually examine and empirically document the effects of perceived gratitude in multiple family relationships (including from children) and its unique effects on individual and family outcomes,” Barton told us. “We all want strong, lasting family relationships, whether it is with our spouse, children, or other family members. As we think about the different aspects for actually making this desire a reality for our families, there is an increasing amount of research to suggest that gratitude is one important piece to that puzzle.” 

Barton says we should seek to build a family environment where spouses, children, and parents express sincere, frequent comments of appreciation to each other, whether it is for actions that benefit that person or the broader family. 

“This is much easier said than done,” Barton told us, “but appears to be something that is worth the effort.”

If you are a parent, Barton explains, you can work with your kids to make sure they are expressing and showing appreciation for the efforts others do from them.

“This could be to the other parent, another sibling or family member, or yourself,” Barton told us. “In marriage or dating relationships, make a point to ask your spouse or partner if they feel unappreciated or underappreciated in any areas and what you can do in response and seek to calmly share areas where you feel unappreciated as well. Remember that you are a team and strive to be teammates that encourage each other. It takes a lot of work to make ‘family’ happen, and when individuals’ efforts go ignored, it can make things all the more challenging.”