Shame
Introduction
Shame is an uncomfortable feeling although it isn't always easy to understand. There is a relationship between disconnection and shame that is important to clarify. Many of us have been exposed to an environment that's shaped us into someone who doesn't feel worthy enough. Counseling can help take away this burdensome emotion and show us how to replace it with a feeling of worthiness and higher self-esteem.
When we are hurting because of shame it can change the view that we have of ourselves. It can disconnect us from others and keep us from being who we are. We tend to shrink back and avoid exposing our vulnerability to the world. When we feel shame we might isolate ourselves from others because we are embarrassed due to a rejection we have felt before. It isn't until we heal the core of this feeling that we can begin to feel empowered and regain confidence. It can feel difficult to recover from something if it means that you have to expose yourself to the shame based interactions again. Fortunately, we can learn how to release this weight by understanding how it has occurred and why it does not determine our worth.
When Shame Can Harm Us
Shame can manifest itself in different forms and create physiological problems. We might avoid eye contact and blush more as we interact with other people. We are more likely to fidget or become defensive when we are approached in a certain way. With shame we might also feel confusion toward our identity. This is somewhat of a critical voice that repeats things to us that other people have expressed in the past. When we feel humiliated and brought down by comments from people close to us it can create this feeling and manifest furthermore into our psyche. The expression of emotions is also linked to this feeling. There are many cultures and families that express anger or vulnerability in a shameful manner. When these admonitions are expressed in the families it can make us hide our feelings or apologize profusely. There are inner voices that can change the way that we see ourselves until the shame has been resolved. For some of us there is an inner critic that continues to evaluate every step that we make. This critic can make it difficult to accept that we are doing things correctly.
Effects of Shame on Other Relationships
Shame can also be at the root of an unhealthy relationship. This is a social emotion and although having some of it in moderation is a good thing, it can be extremely painful if we feel too much of it. When too much shame is present within a relationship it can be expressed indirectly. It can cause one partner to be more judgmental. The feeling is often unrecognized because it tends to be buried deep within a conscious state. The more that this feeling goes unrecognized the more powerful it works within us. It can cause some insensitivity in relationships and even a lack of feelings being that the partner is used to dealing with conflicts differently.
When someone has the courage to feel pain at the core of their emotions and look deep within themselves, they can learn more about what has caused the shameful effect. Healing in a relationship can occur when someone sees that they are worthy of being cared for and loved. A greater trust can be built when the individual decides to work with a therapist who can help clear up shame and guide the patient to find internal relief.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy can eliminate the feeling by first making the patient aware of what may have caused this. It's common that people aren't aware of what has made them feel unworthy or in need of validation. Counseling can help you by showing you how to face these feelings on a deeper level. Some of us have learned how to feel shame more than others as a result of the environment that we have been exposed to. When we become aware of how the dynamics are changing our behavior and relationship with others we can learn how to undo the response with the help of a counselor. This is a natural response to burdens and demands that we have felt throughout our lives and facing it is the only way that it can be eliminated. While it can be difficult to experience immediate relief, our shame can reduce over time. A therapist can help release it by showing us what kind of impact is has on your health. Patients will learn how to change their perception of themselves. It might take some time to get rid of the burden completely, but as you clear up its manifestation you will learn how to feel worthy of love and come to accept what life has to offer you.
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