Family Counseling Services in Hidden Valley Lake, CA.

I offer a more loving, soulful approach to Family Therapy. I will teach you how to replace stonewalling and fighting patterns with time outs, mindfulness practices, nurturing talks, and scheduled boding activites. You will learn mindfulness techniques such as how to not step into your family member's negative energy when they stoke your anger. And by the way, I have been having great results with family therapy on Zoom!

Imagine a family as a tree with branches, roots, trunk representing parts of the immediate and extended family. When working with families, all elements are considered. Usually there is a request for family therapy due to one of it's members in crisis, often a child. However, when an analysis of need is done it becomes apparent that more than one member of the family needs help in adjusting, growing and learning new behaviours. Clients contact me for a variety of reasons: to improve communications, solve family problems, support in special situations such as death, divorce, marriage, illness, child or adolescent issues.

I use a family systems approach in my therapy, so having family members in the room, in my opinion, is the most efficient route towards healing and growth in individuals. I encourage clients to address relationships that are causing distress in their lives and work towards healthy differentiation of self. This can be done in individual therapy as well, but is more effective when all members of the relationship are present.

I enjoy helping families find creative solutions to nagging conflicts or concerns. It is exciting to see families discover a "We" and the helpful, often surprising things they learn, even from their youngest members as I help them listen to each other more carefully. I also help families create the safety to share things they have found difficult, including their desire to help that is sometimes hidden behind behavior that doesn't feel very loving. I work with families of many shapes and sizes, and I am willing to begin with as many or as few family members as are willing to come for help to create a more healthy and rewarding life together.

I work within a family framework, but I do not treat families as part of traditional "family therapy." This means that if you are a parent and you struggle with your child's behavior, I can help you learn techniques to manage the behavior better. I have extensive experience working with parents of children with autism and other mental health disorders that can make parenting extremely challenging. There is no shame in asking for support. I can help with creating a parenting plan, I can help with co-parenting after divorce, and I can help parents who care for their own aging relatives. We truly live in the "sandwich generation" where family can grow far.

Family relationships can be stressful and challenging. There may be anger, arguments, grief & loss, mental or physical illness, unresolved trauma, abuse, neglect, betrayal, financial or occupational challenges that create distress in the family system. Healthy family members have open, honest and compassionate communication. They hear, know and understand each other. They take responsibility and are accountable for their impact on each other. They show love and care through affection, attention, appreciation, being of service, spending quality time with and being there for each other. I guide you in developing the skills, qualities and habits needed to get your family to a better place!

When working with children and youth, the therapist cannot ignore the family system in which the child lives. I work with parents in multiple ways to help support youth in treatment, which may include separate parent sessions, co-parenting sessions, systemic family therapy, or Filial Therapy, a play therapy practice that coaches and guides parents in special play sessions with their child to decrease unwanted behaviors, improve relationships and communication, increase the child's emotional vocabulary, and increase the child's self-esteem.

How about your own Personal Family Therapist? The way it works is that a family hires me for a flat monthly fee. I work with family members on an as-needed basis, sometimes with one partner or the other, sometimes with the children, sometimes with everyone together. If one of the children wants to meet via Chat, I can make myself available for that . For a family to have a skilled healing professional on staff, someone who thinks well about the entire family, who knows and cares about every member of the family, is of tremendous value. Testimonial: "Every family going through divorce should have their own personal family therapist. Thank You Ilene, for all you have done for our family."

Most family therapists inadvertently create more chaos through their well-intentioned efforts to assist a family move through a change process. Why? Brains are inherently deregulated (all of us, may I add) and most talking and dialoguing misses brain-centric problems that need more intensive help. Many times the emotional trauma created by years of solving problems ineffectively can wreak havoc on the brain's parasympathetic nervous system, not ever giving the family a break from flight or fight thinking. Contact us for an innovative neuroscience solution to family dysfunction. Kevin@kevinflemingphd.com or 877-606-6161.

Most families who come in to see me consist of adult children and their parents. Usually if a family with young children want to see me with their kids, the issues are more about how to parent more effectively. In those cases, I work with the parents to improve the family situation. Let me know if you would like to talk further about your family situation.

We so much want our homes and our families to be our safe haven and secure base, the place where we feel appreciated and loved. When this is an unhappy place with disharmony, anger, acting out , then our basis for well-being erodes. I am a relationship specialist. I have many years of experience helping family members express themselves effectively, hear one another clearly and experience new ways of being with each other that help everyone feel seen and cared for. When relationships are repaired and emotional connections re-established, children want to follow guidelines and respect limits. I work with pre-teens, adolescents, young adults and their parents. I bring families back together.

Families engaging in therapy with me will find a compassionate and strong leader who understands the profound stress that family conflicts and perpetual problems can create. My approach is centered on guiding families through their tensions and difficulties, providing a structured and supportive environment where each member feels heard and valued. By focusing on your family's unique dynamics and challenges, I facilitate open communication and collaboration, leading to practical and lasting solutions. Clients will leave with a renewed sense of connection and the tools to foster a more harmonious family life, turning seemingly insurmountable problems into opportunities for growth.