Great Couples Counseling in Cheviot Hills, CA. Therapy to heal relationships.

I specialize in couples and marriage counseling. My approach is based on recent research in marriage science showing what habits successful couples have that other do not. My approach is skills based and practical, teaching both of you how to communicate more effectively, how to understand each other, how to decide what is changeable and what is not in your relationship, how to deal with perpetual issues,on which you may be deadlocked, and different ways to view issues and problems in your relationship to reduce conflict. I also help you identify what is working in your relationship, (or what used to work) so that we can build on the positive.

When couples wish to work through their relationship difficulties, or do premarital couples therapy, they will find my office to be a safe, nonjudmental, and encouraging space. You will colaborate with your spouse, and prioritize issues you'd like to discuss. You will explore your own ability for acceptance and tolerance of your spouse's behavior. We will work together on communication skills, and styles, we'll try to soften the dialogue. We'll learn about problem solving skills with which husband and wife are heard. If there are sexual problems, I have experience in treating sex addiction, internet pornography addiction, and the affect of extended families on your relationship.

Couples counseling is some of the most rewarding work a Marriage/Couples counselor can do, we love to help restore broken or just wounded relationships. Sometimes the brokenness gets so bad that people start thinking of separating or divorcing. Often people think that once they separate or divorce that they will not have to put up with each other again. This may be true if you don’t have children. However, if you have children you will still have to navigate the process of getting along even after you have separated. The issues don’t go away. As a licensed Marriage and Family therapist I can help you separate out the pitfalls of separation or divorce realistically.

I am here to help couples through issues in their relationships to come to mutual understanding and empathy. I am LGBTQ+ allied and support all traditional and non-traditional relationship structures. I also offer non-denominational pre-marital counseling, helping couples prepare for this lifelong commitment by providing a safe space to share and understand each other’s values, needs, and desires for the relationship.

What are the most common couples' issues? If you are thinking "communication, conflict, sex, money, child rearing" you are correct. However, most therapists will go after the symptom on each side of the couple fence thinking that the way to effective change is by getting each party to "work" on their respective "issue". Many times the parties dont agree but comply. Imagine if you could align the unconscious brains of a couple and stop the "working on your issues" part that has become so popular in therapy settings? Contact kevin@kevinflemingphd.com to learn how! Or call 877-606-6161 DR. FLEMING'S NEW RELATIONSHIP/COUPLES INTENSIVES www.kevinflemingphd.com/marriage-couples-retreats.php

I believe contemporary clinicians & authors like Esther Perel and John Gottman have made significant, sensible, and accessible contributions to Couples Counseling. I find value in their philosophies and methods and weave them into my work with couples when appropriate. At a very basic level, I think couples frequently suffer from a perception problem. They think they know how their partner is thinking and feeling but in reality that is just a projection of their own imagination. Helping couples recognize this is an important aspect of our early work together. A deeper level of work includes helping couples identify and work through the unconscious motivations that drive their behavior.

My approach is to help each partner see clearly where s/he stands, what s/he stands for, and what meaning the relationship holds. How do these values come into play in the relationship? How do our own expectations, and those of society at large, influence the relationship? Often, understanding the role of a relationship in our own lives reveals possible ways forward. Sometimes, it shows us that moving forward might not be what we want to do.

Many couples present in distress with a strong desire to enhance their relationships. I like to work with communication styles as well as explore some old patterns of relating that may have their history in early childhood experiences with their own families. Being able to identify these old patterns of relating to a significant other can help couples to understand why they bring these old patterns into their current relationship. After these patterns are identified, new ways of relating and communicating are explored and practiced. Listening skills and acceptance are important areas of exploration throughout therapy as well. Couples find new & satisfying ways of relating with each other.

The main thing I notice couples coming in for is to work on trust issues, communication problems, and lack of intimacy within the relationship. This can manifest into anger, affairs, shutting down, and a number of other behaviors. I work with couples FIRST on what does work, so that they can build upon skills they already possess within their relationship. 2: Teaching basic listening skills so that partners feel heard. 3: Teaching the couples how to communicate without attacking. 4: implementing those skills at home. Therapy is much more complex than this, and there are many more aspects of communication, but building strengths is very important to relationship success.

I have worked with hundred's of couples over the last 20 years. Each couple is unique in their own right which means there is no one way to "fix" a problem. Our deepest longings and hopes emerge in a couples relationship. Oftentimes we are working out unmet needs and hopes carried forward from our early family relationships to our present couple relationship. Problems become increasingly complex and difficult to overcome when we don't know what these issues are all about. Couples remain stuck in conflict not because of what they know, but what they don't know or can't recognize. The work in therapy is to help couples recognize unhealthy patterns of relating and introduce novelty.

All couples experience challenges. I specialize in helping couples through challenging times. Whether you are struggling with communication, sex and intimacy, or parenting, we work collaboratively to gain understanding and insight into the issue(s) so that the relationship can deepen and grow. I also help couples who are considering marriage and are not sure if they are a good fit. Even the best of relationships can feel difficult or discouraging at times. Together we can work through such difficulties so that your relationship can feel rejuvenated and fulfilling again.

Let me guess. One partner feels alone and like they don't matter and the other feels they are always being criticized and can't get anything right. The more one asks for the other to show up, the more the partner disappears physically and emotionally. You both bicker and fight and the idea of sitting and just hanging out seems elusive, if not impossible. Something like this? Often we crave connection but are blocked by the pain and the history that gets in the way. Small fights about little things become battles that highlight our struggle to have our basic relational needs met. I can help you get under the bickering to the parts crying out for connection- to an enriching relationship.

Is this you? All we do is fight! It seems like we never hear each other and neither of us listens anymore! It is so frustrating I do not want to come home and try. I have been successfully helping couples to develop the tools necessary to communicate effectively for more than 20 years. Having disagreements is not unusual. Learning how to resolve disagreements is a key element to healthy relationships. Conflict resolution is about learning to fight fairly by listening in an atmosphere of Respect, Trust, Safety and love and not placing my desire to be right over the relationship.