Anger Management and Counseling in Hemet, CA.

Anger management has become a loaded phrase. The way I see it, difficulties in managing anger often stem from a lack of overall emotion regulation issues, childhood trauma, influence of negative stereotypes, and much more. In truth, it becomes less about anger and more about learning to accept and express negative emotions in general. Anger is often seen as a secondary emotion, in that it is prompted by an individual first experiencing an emotion which they do not feel comfortable expressing or have been taught not to express. While anger may make us feel powerful momentarily, it often weakens us and our relationships in the long run.

Where there is smoke there is fire. Likewise, where there is interpersonal conflict, invariably there is frustration and anger. This is no less true between couples and in marriage relationships. And while there may be legitimate reasons to become angry, over time such hostility will become counter-productive, hurting the marriage. I utilize a clinically proven 3-step plan for getting to the source of the anger and resolving it. This approach to anger management fits perfectly within my overall process of resolving conflict between couples and enhancing relationship enjoyment.

I do not believe in "anger management". Instead, I believe in being in control of your emotions - including anger. My clients discover how to be in control of their feelings of anger or rage - instead of the anger or rage controlling them. My clients discover how they can feel anger, but then choose more effective and productive ways of expressing themselves - in ways that no longer lead to regret or hurt - but rather in ways they feel proud and good about.

Anger is a valid feeling, but it's the behavior, what we do with anger, that is problematic. Anger can tell us that something isn't right in the current moment. It may also be the result of valid anger you developed as a child and/or it may just be a result of something you believe. There are many ways that anger can be resolved - by changing thoughts & beliefs, learning to express feelings & needs and learning to calm & soothe ourselves by doing what is called, "regulating the nervous system" in order to stay present, grounded & calm when relating to others.

Anger is a normal emotion, as is happiness, joy and frustration. Anger can take many forms. Uncontrolled anger can affect our health and well-being, both mentally and physically. Anger can affect our stress level, insomnia or digestive issues. We offer strategies, using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic methods to change the negative thinking which offers the client alternative positive ways to manifest their anger and other emotions.

Struggling with expressing one's emotions can lead to anger outbursts. Anger denies us the opportunity to fully be heard by the person we are attempting to express our feelings to and can lead to misunderstandings and further emotional turmoil. We can turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms when we don't feel heard or understood. Alcohol use, drug use, compulsive sexual behavior, detachment and isolation, among other unwanted behaviors may develop as a way to numb intense, unresolved feelings. Counseling can help reduce and eliminate these unwanted behaviors by learning new ways to communicate, express and label emotions, deal with emotions as they arise, and connect with others.

Anger is one of our fundamental emotions, part of the basic machinery of our mind and personality. In some ways it is a useful tool that helps to motivate and energize us in seeking fairness and justice in the world around us. But this powerful hold-over from our primal history can also be enormously destructive if we lose control of it. If your anger is slipping out of your control and you find yourself saying or doing things that damage your reputation or your relationships, hurt those around you, or otherwise consistently put you on the outside of society's expectations for behavior, you need help to find tools or strategies to change this and I would be happy to help.

I help people struggling with anger management by working with them to develop awareness of their anger experience in their body and mind and how it is impacting their body. I help you learn and practice strategies for regulating your body and mind so you do not lose control of the anger. I help you to learn healthy communication of anger, and the development of conflict resolution skills. I support you in exploring issues of transference from past relationships and experiences that may be contributing to your strong feelings of anger in present circumstances and relationships. We create safety, increase positive expression of anger, and reduce or eliminate sources of anger when possible!

Grey Matters International and the work of Kevin J. Fleming, Ph.D approaches issues of anger management in a very humane yet fresh perspective. You see, anger is a normal emotion but it is the valence (intensity) as well as the coupling choice of what one does with this that is the problem. Telling someone to "not" do it or modifying behavior with a trite psychological plan that only breeds a compliant response is not the way to change anger. Brainwaive optimization is a new cutting edge technology that allows one to rewire circuitry responsible for reactivity driving the anger. Contact Grey Matters International, Inc now at kevin@kevinflemingphd.com or 877-606-6161

I help clients learn self-regulation tools to manage their regressions. We explore relational histories that have contributed to steady-state regressions and the challenge of managing secondary emotions. Ultimately, my clients are able to find healing from their previously reactive behaviors and more adaptive ways of handling their emotions. The result is better relationships.