Family Counselling Services in White Rock, BC.

My approach to family therapy is to try to get family members to understand each other better so they can work through what is getting in the way for them. I will look to help the family with the communication with one another along with listening to each other. I will want to explore each individual's values, beliefs and hopes to help the family better understand each other about each person's hopes. I look forward to helping families exploring how they can work together and not blame each other.

Imagine a family as a tree with branches, roots, trunk representing parts of the immediate and extended family. When working with families, all elements are considered. Usually there is a request for family therapy due to one of it's members in crisis, often a child. However, when an analysis of need is done it becomes apparent that more than one member of the family needs help in adjusting, growing and learning new behaviours. Clients contact me for a variety of reasons: to improve communications, solve family problems, support in special situations such as death, divorce, marriage, illness, child or adolescent issues.

Family dynamics can be a complicated and sensitive balance within a home. This can be made increasingly complicated by divorce, blended families, individual parenting, spiritual values, health issues and much more. Counseling can provide family members a neutral voice and a place to be heard when fighting and arguing is impacting daily functioning and happiness, of one or more family members. We also help develop necessary tools to resolve conflict in a healthy way, bringing peace and harmony back to everyday lives.

Most family therapists inadvertently create more chaos through their well-intentioned efforts to assist a family move through a change process. Why? Brains are inherently deregulated (all of us, may I add) and most talking and dialoguing misses brain-centric problems that need more intensive help. Many times the emotional trauma created by years of solving problems ineffectively can wreak havoc on the brain's parasympathetic nervous system, not ever giving the family a break from flight or fight thinking. Contact us for an innovative neuroscience solution to family dysfunction. Kevin@kevinflemingphd.com or 877-606-6161.

Humans are social beings, we are wired to live and connect with other humans. The first humans we come into contact with are the families we grow up in. Using attachment theory, I work with clients to help understand where they came from and how this has shaped experiences with themselves, others, and how they see the world. Families are systems and it is important to view them in this way - whether I am working with one individual family member or multiple, I approach this work by continually understanding how one piece of the system affects the others.

Today family can mean different things to different people. Each family structure is challenged with their own set of difficulties and problems. Whether you are a blended family, single parent family due to divorce or loss, adoptive family, same sex parents, or traditional, we recognize family dynamics can be complicated. Together we will work to develop strong communication skills between each family member, while nurturing and solidifying the family unit. We will work to overcome conflict, heal the wounds of the past, build parenting skills and create a safe environment where all family members can be heard.

My hope for clients who are experiencing challenges in their family relationships is that they will create greater understanding and acceptance of one another. Clients will build healthy communication skills that will assist them in resolving current issues, as well as preventing future conflicts from occurring. It is my hope that each family member will develop a willingness to accept the uniqueness of the other members in the family, as well as a willingness to listen and understand one another. Through this process of learning how to come together with openness, each person will be affirmed that he/she matters and has a voice in the family.

When there is conflict within our family system it can feel heartbreaking and have major effects on each individual’s health and wellness. Finding harmony as a family ultimately comes down to finding effective ways to communicate and working to understand each other’s unique perspective. During family therapy sessions I seek to make sure each individual feels heard and understood by their family members by giving them the opportunity to express themselves in a safe space. From here we can build the skills necessary to express our needs and desires while maintaining everyone’s stated boundaries.

Despite the best intentions of ourselves and our family members, we are often tangled in patterns of invalidation, rejection, frustration and blame. It can feel so messy that we operate in a constant state of fear and a crippling sense of unworthiness. In 2008 I started my counselling career as a family therapist. A combination of individual and joint sessions will take place to allow the space for all voices to be respectfully heard, while helping to identify bigger ‘systems’ patterns that keep you stuck in pain and finger-pointing. I will help to smooth out communication, make room for wants and needs and to heal the old wounds holding you back from having a healthier relationship.