Family Counselling Services in Esquimalt, BC.

We all come from something called family, although this takes many different forms and looks different for everyone. Families can offer us a sense of belonging and be a source of support. Families can also be a source of pain, trauma, conflict, and confusion. Informed by Bowen Family Systems theory and Level 1 Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, I help you to understand your family patterns and relationships and ways that you can influence positive change to your entire family system. Please note that I offer support for family issues in an individual counselling format.

As children or adults it can be really challenging to just plain get along with brothers, sisters, children and parents! Who else knows how to push our buttons better? Conflict in families is to some extent normal and necessary. Find out how to have healthy conflict management skills to be able to elicit the love and care you need from your family to offer it in return. Families of all types of configurations will learn about being an ally for each other as we work towards respect, love, collaborative problem solving and mutual understanding.

Imagine a family as a tree with branches, roots, trunk representing parts of the immediate and extended family. When working with families, all elements are considered. Usually there is a request for family therapy due to one of it's members in crisis, often a child. However, when an analysis of need is done it becomes apparent that more than one member of the family needs help in adjusting, growing and learning new behaviours. Clients contact me for a variety of reasons: to improve communications, solve family problems, support in special situations such as death, divorce, marriage, illness, child or adolescent issues.

Every family is unique but every family I have ever worked with has difficulty balancing togetherness and separateness. Blended families have an even greater challenge. I will help you identify patterns and practices that limit closeness and intimacy and I will assist all members to better differentiate in order to realize authentic togetherness while respecting personal boundaries and the need for self.

The troubles of individuals and couples can affect whole families. Though I do not invite families in as a group I often work one-on-one with the children, parents and siblings of clients. Also, I might meet with combinations such as a mother and daughter or maybe brothers and sisters. Parenting and blending families are big challenges for many. Some people are upset by financial or trust issues or want to improve communication skills. Counseling helps you gain insight and understanding into how families function. You will learn new skills and increase in self esteem and confidence. You can achieve the goal of making the changes you need to make your family life more satisfying.

Most family therapists inadvertently create more chaos through their well-intentioned efforts to assist a family move through a change process. Why? Brains are inherently deregulated (all of us, may I add) and most talking and dialoguing misses brain-centric problems that need more intensive help. Many times the emotional trauma created by years of solving problems ineffectively can wreak havoc on the brain's parasympathetic nervous system, not ever giving the family a break from flight or fight thinking. Contact us for an innovative neuroscience solution to family dysfunction. Kevin@kevinflemingphd.com or 877-606-6161.

In the practice of Family Therapy we see the family as an organic unit or whole. Movement or change in one of the members has ripple effects and causes movement or change in the rest of the system. Problems are therefore a product of the relationships between the each person in the family. In our Family Therapy work we will begin to explore the role each member plays in the family. As we continue, we will begin to uncover whether that role serves the person or some other function. We will work toward creating more life-enhancing interactions so that each member of the family feels authentic and appreciated.

Each of us are born into a unique family system with its own rules, roles, personalities and ways of dealing (or not dealing) with conflict. When a disruption (e.g., death, divorce, health issues, addiction, etc.) occurs, the family system is also disrupted. My approach to family therapy is to provide a safe, compassionate space free of shame and blame where family members can learn to connect with themselves better and allow their true selves to be witnessed by their family. This requires building empathy and communication skills as well as developing the courage to enter into new types of relationship with each other. Ready to improve your family relationships? Let’s get started.

I am honoured that you are interested in my services and I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. I have been described as slightly non-conventional in the counselling world, which suits me perfectly, and also tends to suit youth who are trying to stand up to the force of the problems in their life. I am very comfortable working with this population, and I feel fortunate that I can connect with teens the way I do, conventionally or in a way that makes sense to them and their family.

I guide families using the information and insights from extensive studies and my own experience. If your family is hurting and whatever you have been trying doesn’t help, if it feels like you can’t win, respect has disappeared, understanding and patience are gone; your family will benefit from bringing in a professional outsider. A family is a dynamic system. Being busy with our day to day struggles, it is easy to miss what another person needs. Timing and taking into account each members' experience is crucial to reconnect. With patience and tenacity, and taking the time to clarify and learn, you can resolve what may seem a hopeless situation.

The problems that originate and find expression in one person is usually an expression of the entire family system. In this approach I explore what each person does and how they act in the family system, then we wok to untangle the web so each person assumes responsibility for their part in conflicts or misunderstandings. In this way everyone benefits from the process.

Families face many challenges together that can include grief and loss, addictions, separation and divorce, life transitions and communication. Each member and your family as a whole, already has strength and insight into these challenges. Each member also has hopes and ideas for creating more connection to one another. It is important to begin the therapy process by understanding these unique strengths, insights and needs, in order to develop the direction forward. As we work together, we may meet individually, in pairs and/or as a group throughout the process. My extensive experience working with children and youth in the school system, creates inclusivity with younger family members.

Like all relationships our relationships with our family members may require outside help to evolve alongside our own personal development. Our Adlerian understanding of families allow us to appreciate the experiences within a family system, like birth order and dynamics amongst various family members to better understand the work involved in improving the quality of those relationships. We strive to help clients feel warmly accepted and welcomed within their own families.

Despite the best intentions of ourselves and our family members, we are often tangled in patterns of invalidation, rejection, frustration and blame. It can feel so messy that we operate in a constant state of fear and a crippling sense of unworthiness. In 2008 I started my counselling career as a family therapist. A combination of individual and joint sessions will take place to allow the space for all voices to be respectfully heard, while helping to identify bigger ‘systems’ patterns that keep you stuck in pain and finger-pointing. I will help to smooth out communication, make room for wants and needs and to heal the old wounds holding you back from having a healthier relationship.

The narcissism-co-dependency (or self-love deficit as described by Ross Rosenberg) pattern begins for many of us in the family unit. Relationships we form early in life shape our templates for relationships later in life. Learning to understand our own patterns of problem behaviours helps us develop self-awareness and opens the door to change. Is there a pattern of power imbalances, control issues, manipulation or even abuse in your family? Learn to see where things are going wrong and develop new coping techniques that help you navigate troubling relationships and build healthy new relationships.

Families can be complicated and those who seek counseling are demonstrating great courage and resolve. I see the family as a unit made up of various parts; I believe the most effective way to assist struggling families involves exploring all aspects without judgement or criticism but instead with compassion, curiosity. I will work to ensure each family member feels safe, heard, and respected.

My approach is centered on fostering open communication, understanding, and cohesion among family members. Recognizing the unique dynamics within familial relationships, I tailor interventions to address the complexities of diverse family structures. By emphasizing effective communication strategies, conflict resolution, and the cultivation of a supportive family environment, my goal is to strengthen the bonds that connect each family member. Through a collaborative process, clients benefit from developing practical tools to navigate challenges, build resilience, and foster a harmonious family life.

Gravitate Counselling Inc.'s supportive counselling staff can help families find new ways to communicate, improve long-standing patterns, address conflicts and enhance connection with one another. You can expect your counsellor to offer a safe space to talk about family challenges, rebuild relationships, establish new boundaries and build skills that can be used outside of the counselling setting. Family relationships can be complex, and we are here to help. Andee Dale and Linda Duarte both offer family counselling by video session, and Andee Dale is available for in person counselling in Duncan, BC.

Dr Sloat’s counselling approach re: Family Therapy includes emphases on identifying individual needs both within and outside of family relationships, and on learning how we can best negotiate and reconcile these needs with the needs of others. Included will be skills and strategies that will help you to better communicate, set boundaries, resolve conflicts, and understand relationship dynamics.

Do you feel like your young adult children are pushing you away? Are you in an amazing relationship but living as a blended family is the ultimate test of your love? Are your children acting needy, demanding, or struggling to sleep at night? Are you finding that one, or both, of you are getting short with the children? I use Emotionally Focused Family Therapy to help families experience new ways of being together. The idea is that children become calmer, more independent, and less demanding as the security in your relationship increases. Parent’s also report increased confidence in the way they parent individually, and as a couple. Contact today to schedule a free 15 minute consultation.